My Trip to Cambodia

Few months back went with my mom and her friends to Cambodia. I wanted to see the famous Angkor Wat. Besides their own currency, USD $ is also use in Cambodia.



Angkor Wat at Siem Reap. It is the only big attraction in Cambodia, people all over the world wants to see one of the great wonders of the world. It is as breath taking as The Great Wall of China.

Food in Cambodia is very expensive, I remember there was this lunch, the dishes was like vegetarian dishes, you get taufu and vegetables but no meat like chicken, pork and mutton only one fish dish. Being so used to Malaysia good life, they complained even the Malaysia tour guide complained too. It was like I paid so much you give me this, with this price I can get better in Malaysia. They were comparing with Malaysia. The local tour guide had no choice but tell them, food is very expensive, 300g of cabbage is USD2. So meat is even more expensive. What was served was consider very good in Siem Reap, Cambodia. Then only everyone quite down. It is better to go for buffet, lunch and dinner.
I noticed the fruits are also expensive,

I had some sweets in my bag. I gave it out to the children. In less than 5 minutes, the children were surrounding the bus for more sweets. They keep calling tang guo(糖果 sweet). My mother’s friend said why you do that, now we cannot even get out of the bus. Well, I saw the children will not get to eat sweet like what I have, that is why I gave them. Try mah! Anyway after about 5 minutes, the children know no more sweet, they go about their business, selling souvenirs (纪念品).

Do you know that the children (those above 10 years) selling souvenirs, will spend their time gambling when there is not so many tourists. My mother’s friends and I was waiting for the others, we walked around the souvenirs shops. No money to eat but got money to gamble. Sad view for me.

Spiders is one of Cambodia delicacies, it is deep fried. It seems spiders are in abandon in Cambodia. The way they eat it, in another 5 years it will be extinct.

I did the same thing when I was in the capital of Cambodia, Phnom Penh, but this time I did not distribute as I was scared the children will surround me. I gave all the sweet to a little boy who kept following me. When I gave him the sweet I quickly get on the boat. We were taking the boat to visit the Vietnamese immigrant village. Here I find it is also a mistake to give all to the little boy. The children were fighting over the sweet. It’s like you give also wrong, you don’t give they keep following you.


In Phnom Penh, the only attraction is the palace and casino. Building in Phnom Penh cannot be taller than the palace. So they make antenna on top of the palace, if not you can only build 2 storey high. The casino, heard is build and open by a Malaysia, the famous Genting Highland.

Nothing interesting in Cambodia, if those that like gem, then Cambodia is a good place to get. It is much much cheaper than home. You see, the people are poor but their faces show they are contented, no worries. We have lots of material comfort but we are not…...

What Captured My Eyes, Trip to Tirupathi, Tirumala, India (Feb 2008)

In India, you see cows by the road side it is a common site, as this is not my first trip to India. It was hard to take picture anyway I never thought I post my thoughts here. In future I will try to take pictures.

I saw this funny or unusual, selling helmets by the roadside and nobody is manning it too. At first I do not know it was helmet as they were wrapped up. I asked my god-sister what are those things. She said helmets. I was surprise you mean they sell helmets by the roadside not in the shop. The funny part is most of the people on the motorbike don’t use helmet.

While traveling on the highway, I thought I saw girls selling jasmine flower garland. They don’t sell in group, you see one after about a mile or so. They were tried to sell to vehicles passing by. I told my god-sister did you see the garland girls. She said see what, okay she did not see the girl. It is so dangerous selling on the highway, and I asked myself who would stop and buy as it is so dangerous and cars are moving so fast. On the way to the airport, I asked the driver if he sees the flower girls by the road side please stop. I was trying my luck or to proof me wrong. Yes the driver stop, when he stopped the girl will come running towards the car. I bought 2 garlands, one for myself and one for the driver. It was so cheap, 5 rupee for a garland. I pay RM10 in Kuala Lumpur for a garland like that. With RM10 I can buy the whole tray of flowers from her.

Paddy harvest season was just over. I noticed all the straws were stack nicely by the side. I saw farmers cutting mud in the shape of a brick. They were stack up like an oven, (the type of oven you burn bricks). I asked myself why are they stacking it in the middle of the paddy field, are they going to build a house right in the middle of the paddy field. On the way to the airport, at certain places I saw farmers putting all the paddy straws on the mud bricks. At one place I was lucky I saw a farmer burned the straws, I was so that is what they are trying to do. They are making bricks. You get fertilizer and bricks at the same time. No wonder some of the houses are half finished. I told myself they look backward but they really know how to make full use of what they have.

Let me tell you about my first trip to India March 1999, it was Calcutta (now it is Kolkata). What you heard about Calcutta is true, the dirtiest city in India. Pack with vehicles, which city is not packed with vehicles. I had a cultural shock here.

From the airport to the temple, we were going to the temple hostel to stay. The taxi that we got in, his car horn never stop horning. It was noisy. Every vehicle on the road will horn at each other. Each driver tries their level best not to stop their car. Red traffic light then no choice else it is like go go go. Here in Kuala Lumpur or Malaysia if two cars come so close that they scratch each other, you get out and look at your car, the damaged done. In Calcutta, no such thing, keep driving. I told myself no wonder all the cars have scratch and bang mark on them. I cannot see a car with no scratch mark.

Besides this, I saw man standing against the wall. I told myself why in India, men like to face the wall. I asked another Malaysian that had been there many times. What are they doing? He replied they are urinating. I was shocked. You mean they urinate in the open in the public eyes. No wonder the streets smell of urine.

I learned when I am in India, when you see a man facing the wall, don’t look . I will try to get away from the place as fast as possible.

Ah! That’s How It Is Done! For Chinese 华语

I always wonder how they get the Chinese characters. I thought it was always a special software that will emulate the keyboard like Thai Language. But so many characters, the keyboard can handle meh! But No! Just select Chinese from language. It is a good thing my nieces give me a hint where to find.

Now I know why I could not get it all the time, I used company laptop. Company laptop did not install Chinese as we won’t use it. When I used my personal laptop, it was Ah! Ha! so simple.

This makes life easier, just type the pin yin(拼音) and select the character you want. Now I understand why my Chinese teacher (汉语老师) emphasizes so much on Han Yu Pin Yin (汉语拼音). As I improved my Chinese, I hope in future I will be able to blog in Chinese.

Now I will use this to look for the Chinese character I don’t know.

I find Chinese is so difficult, when you don’t know the character, with the sound or pin yin you have no idea where to start. Not like English, you can roughly spell it out. I am beginning to find Chinese is a beautiful language, you can describe something or a situation with just a few words.

Being educated in Malaysia National School, I never know knowing Chinese is so important until I had to go to China for assignment.

I never bother to really learn it up until I was stopped by Mat Salleh (white skin westerner) a few times when I go oversea. They would talk to me in Chinese, I would stared and replied shi(是,yes) and bu shi (不是,no). I understand them but find it hard to reply, so I go shi and bu shi. When I cannot stand it anymore, I would replied don’t you speak English. They would be so surprised, you are not from Taiwan (replied no) then you are from Singapore (replied no). Where are you from? I am from Malaysia. I did not go to a Chinese school. The first time it did not get to me but after a few times, I tell myself, I must brush up my spoken Chinese. I went for classes but did not practice, was forgotten until I need to liaise with colleague from China. After a few years, I was not happy I can listen and speak. I wanted to be able to write and read, went for classes again. I am giving myself 2 years to really pick it up. I want my Chinese to be as good as my English.

I always tell myself, what is wrong not knowing Chinese, I am born in Malaysia, I am a Malaysian Chinese. So it is okay not to know. I guess I was wrong, when you have the Chinese skin, you are expected to know Chinese.

Tirupathi, Tirumala, India

About 8 years ago I promised my dad that I will visit Lord Govinda(Lord Venkateswara) in Tirupathi, Tirumala, India on his behalf. My dad had make a vow to visit the place because of his health he could not fulfilled that vow. Seeing that he could not I told him I will make it on his behalf. When I took the vow from him, it was like a small burden taken from him or else everyday he will tell me the vow he make.

My dad pass away about 5 years ago, and this promised was at the back of my mind. I tell myself when the time is right I will go. When is the right time, my right time was to go with my 2nd brother. I was waiting for him, and he was waiting for his right time. With all the stories heard about the crowd, I was not prepared to face it too, so I don’t mind the waiting.

Early this year 2008, it was like my conscious was coming after me. In my heart, something keep coming up that there is something I had not done. I keep telling myself what it is that I had not done. I told myself, I had gone to Krishna’s childhood place and gurudev’s temple. After a few weeks, then only I realized it must be this vow. I told my brother I am going to India to fulfill this vow. My brother is still waiting for his right time. I told him, I am not waiting for him, as I am beginning to feel uneasy. I need to visit Lord Govinda at Tirupathi, Tirumala, India.

I got my god-sister to go with me as she wanted to visit this place too. From Chennai airport we went straight to the temple. It takes about 4 to 5 hours drive.

When we had reached Tirupathi, in my heart I can feel, we are in Tirupathi, Lord Venkateswara’s state. I asked the driver, “Are we in Tirupathi”, he said “yes and will reach Tirumala in an hour or so”.

We visited Her Lady first, Mother Padmavathi. It is like a respect and getting permission to visit her husband. The crowd at her temple is not like in Tirumala.

When we reached Tirumala, the security was so tied. We waited for an hour before it was our turn. They check whether there is explosive or not. We checked in, while our guide planed the best time to get his Lord darshan. The best time is when the crowd is not that big. The best time was 9pm. We got ready, we paid to get in from the VIP gate. This will cut the waiting time by half. Half way we were stopped, because we don’t look Indian. The reason was lots of foreigner that went did not respect the place. We told them we are Krishna’s devotee, it was a good thing we went with our tilak on. Seeing this, register first, we registered in a guestbook and continue to queue.

You can feel the excitement when you are near the gate to His Lord main temple hall. Devotees chanting Govinda Govinda Govinda. Once you pass the security check point the pushing will come in all direction. We were lucky as our guide works in the temple, he said keep to the right and he was always behind us so that we were not push around. When we reached the Lord, he pulled us to a side. We had about 5 minute’s darshan with Lord Venkateswara. I paid obeisance, told the Lord, “I am here to fulfill the vow my dad make and……”. The guide showed us around, where to drop our donation and special places where normally we won’t get to visit.

It took us 2 hours to finish the whole thing, from queuing till we leave the temple main hall. It was unbelievable, such a short time. All that time, I can feel the mercy from the Lord, as it was not difficult to get his Darshan. A whole 5 minutes, normally you just get a glance only.

My stayed at the hill, Tirumala, I felt so peaceful and bliss. My sleep at the hill was so good and peaceful which I had never had.

The next day we visited other temples on the way down-hill. The place is so clean and electricity there is generated using the windmill. I told myself if I want a place to rest I will come to Tirupathi, Tirumala.

Once at the airport, my heart was at ease as the vow had been made. We told friends it took us only 2 hours, they did not believed us. Both of us know we had the mercy of Lord Venkateswara all the way.

Jaya Jaya Govinda!

Why I Become A Vegetarian?

I had been a vegetarian for more than 11 years. I am still a vegetarian would not go back to my old ways for anything or anyone in this world.

In my mid twenties I did not noticed I was having hormones in-balanced. I did not see the problem until it had become serious. My monthly menses was getting heavier every month and my face had big pimples. I never had pimple during my teen not even one. I went to doctor every month to get pain killer and medical leave when I could not bear the pain. I went to specialist too, but the medication does not work. I noticed all the medication does not seem to help. When I become a full vegetarian after 1 ½ years I noticed the medication is beginning to show effect on my problem. Then I knew being a vegetarian really helps improved my health and medication work faster too.

The doctor I see always tells me to go on a full vegetarian diet. I did not listen to him, until I could not bear it. I finally decided to go on a full vegetarian diet. It was not easy, as I had lot of objections from my mom. My dad was very supportive.

I did not go into it straight away. I cut red meat out from my diet but I still take vegetable or soup that had been cooked with red meat. I saw no result after one month. I decided that any food had red meat including the oil I want out of my diet. After 3 months I noticed the pimples on my face were gone. Everyone was asking what product I used. I told them none just cut red meat totally out of your diet. After a year I cut shell food, then chicken. I could not let go of my love for fish, especially fish fried in curry powder. I always tell myself last one. Finally I tell myself no more. It takes about 4 years to do it.

After a few years I begin to take my spiritual path seriously, I guess it was preparing me for this. Friends always think I become a vegetarian because of religion, actually no. It is health that drives me there.

My health now is much better than before. I am seldom down with fever or flue. If I am down I go see the doctor only for the medical leave. After a good rest, I’ll be okay the next day, not fully recover but able to go to work. Been a vegetarian for more than 11 years, I think I went to see the doctor like 5 times only. I find I can take stress more and long working hour without feeling fatigue. When everyone is having cough or flue they will try to spread it to me, I always said my immune system is strong I am not afraid of your germs.

Nowadays when I am hungry before a meal or need to munch, I will munch fruits. I always have fruits with me.

When I read articles on diet that our diet cannot be without meat or fish, to me they are talking nonsense. Have you seen a person died because lack of protein, but you see a person suffer because too much protein. Protein is every where, in the rice, vegetables and fruits. Vegetables protein is much better than meat proteins.

I do medical check up every year. My medical check-up always show everything is in the right level. No too much of this or too little of that and I am slim.

When I looked back, how I hate vegetable those days. One little bit of it was like eating poison. I could not stand taufo (bean curd), they were too soft. I don’t like soya milk. Now all these are part of my diet, I love them now.

Being a vegetarian really change my life.

Growing Up

Today had lunch with my friends. We chatted on a few topics. One of the topics was growing up.

There is this boy or man, person, left the comfort of home for greener pasture. When he first arrived, he would cook, clean for himself. After a few days, he started to miss home and ……. Sisters and mother always attend to his needs and wants. There is more but will not write.

This person also tells me to take care of him. His words make me jump, I told him off. I have to work and family too. You chose to leave home. You learn to take care of yourself. I walked away, I know if I had stayed my mouth would have more words coming out. While walking away in my mind Grow up boy.

We gossiped on this person.

Now that I am at home, Growing Up came into my mind. When you said had grow up, the person can look grow up but had his mind matured. I noticed many people, including myself too always said we are grown up. I looked back when did I really grow-up?

I grow-up in my late twenties and early thirties. Why so late, it is during this time, I saw building my career and planning my retirement fund is something I had to do so that I can be comfortable later. I went to Singapore spend a few days with my brother. He asked are you going to be a clerk thru out your working life. You are very good in programming why don’t you go start a career on it. He saw there was not much of a reaction from me. He said parents cannot take care of you for your whole life. First thing back in Kuala Lumpur you go get yourself register for night classes.

That’s what I did. I registered for a diploma course. I was very broke for a year, I make sure I scored distinction. I needed it to start this career as I was competing with younger graduates and starting late too. During this time it was the first recession I saw, my dad’s business had a slow down. Things were bad, for the first time I saw money was very important. My dad always said no worries I will always be there for you including financially. I saw nobody can be there for you only you yourself.

When I got my result, luck was at my side, within a few months I found myself a job as junior programmer in a bank. It was a tough 4 years for me. I had to travel to town and work do not finished at 6pm. As I wanted to walk the extra miles, I putted in more time in the office. All these extra time, I did not have time to attend my higher diploma so never had my degree. During that time, I always complained should not have listened to my brother. After 15 years, I looked back, I had to thank my brother. If not for him I would be an account clerk, and cannot afford the life style I have today.

Dad was very angry with me for spending lot of time in the office, he asked me to sleep in the office. He saw I was having a hard time and could not help. I wanted to learn the skill up quickly, I did not care what the bank paid me. After 4 years I joined the contract line. I was glad I put in the extra miles, I did not have a hard time. When my dad saw the hard work was paying off, he told me I should have let you out earlier. It is okay dad I still make it.

During my 10 years as an account clerk, it was 9 to 6. My mom would send and pick me up. I only spend on lunch. Sometime I go back for lunch. I hardly spend, was such a good girl. My needs and wants was not much, I was satisfied with what I had. I get small gifts from dad every now and then. Life was very comfortable and good, until recession hit.

Besides this there were other problems too that I had to face. Work was always not a problem but human was the problem. It is the human problems that really make me grow up open my eyes to the real world. I also saw why my dad tried to keep me by his side, he wanted to protect me.

Dad, I will continue to grow so that you can be proud of me

What Do They Get From It?

What do a person get from putting a person down, or put a person in a bad situation? Is it to show I am much better than you, it makes me happy to be able to do that to another person or my life had been and still perfect.

From young until now, I always asked myself what does one gets from putting a person down, is it they get so much kick out of it. Don’t they have any conscious, if they don’t have, the person they are putting down has. Are they so perfect themselves?

Going thru all the youtubes on Aska Yang(杨宗纬), this question probe up in my head again as I will normally avoid people like this. They make me sick in the stomach. But Aska Yang(杨宗纬) could not do it. He had to hang in there, until today there is one youtube I refused to watch. I only watch a bit of it, I tell myself I have enough of it. To me the host and judges are equally sick. They are not one bit any better looking than Aska Yang(杨宗纬) himself. They think they are. To me Aska Yang(杨宗纬) is much better looking then them.

I saw the youtube on him before the competition and early part of the competition. He is not that bad looking just that he has more manly features. My nephew also have features like him, we never find him ugly and my nephew has lot of girls chasing after him. I see Aska Yang(杨宗纬) spend too much time under the sun, he was very tan. It is the hair style and his dressing what I called jinjang. It is that jinjangness and too much of sun that makes him look bad, not his looks.

Those reporters trying to make junk news out of him, to me they are junk themselves. Calling him caveman, it is better to look like a caveman, with a mind and heart that had evolved to a civilize man. The reporter mind and heart had not, still at caveman level, he only has the look of a civilize man that is why he/she can call another person caveman. Is it making news that put a person down is so important or it gives them a kick out of it.

Sometimes I am glad that my Hanyu reading is not that good, when I see it is a junk news, I just admire the photos. But if it is news on a person achievement I will translate the article using a software translator.

Look at Tom Jones, he does not have the look of Tom Cruise and still don't have but when he sings he is ......... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGs5Js7FVHo

I guess in the age of Kali Yuga, don't expect too much.

While Waiting I Stumble Into Aska Yang (杨宗纬)

It’s been a year since my last assignment. Had called my manager a few times, he always asked me to hang in there, it’s going to come, we are finalizing the detail. His hang in there is like months. There are not enough of helpdesk enquiries to go around as my seniors are also on bench. Anyway, I still get my monthly salary. I tried my best to occupy myself with work.

The first few months I read the application manual, read those application manual that is useful to me. After reading and had no chance of applying what I had read, only hope that I will remember when clients enquire.

End of February the fever of 12th General Election was contagious. I had the fever too. I was surprised by the result. I started to read all the politic blog, the most famous Malaysia today. I found that others have the same sentiment as me. I spend my time reading all the blog articles I can get my hands on. I even found that our Dr Mahathir also started blogging. After a few months I become bored, as I found lots of talk but no action. I still read but only the headlines, unless I find the article interesting I will read the whole thing.

I was following the news on TV, I saw a MV. It was (洋葱-yang cong, onion) by 杨宗纬. When I saw the MV, I told myself, singers nowadays don’t have to look superb good, they only need a good vocal. Most MV that appeared on TV does not attract my eyes or ears. This does, I tried catching the MV on TV somehow I did not get the second chance. I guess I did not spend enough time in front of the TV.

After a few weeks I had forgotten about it, one day out of boredom, I watch Astro 301, I saw the One Million Star competition show, its was season 2. I noticed the judges were very professional, and give very good constructing remarks to the contestants. I also noticed none of the competitors have very good look, just normal. Then came the duet with season 1, I asked my nephew this guy 杨宗纬 was he the winner. My nephew replied he’s not but exit towards the end of the competition. The big question WHY? I thought I could overcome the curiosity, Curiosity kills the cat.

My reading and written Hanyu is around standard 2, after finishing my level 1 Hanyu class. My listening and spoken is good, went to youtube, spend about a week going thru season 1. Found out why he retrieved from the competitions.

With all the medias and human eyes and mouths, he can still go on stage to own up, it’s takes a lot of courage. I would have died from it. To me why he did that, it was like, give it one last chance. What is the big deal? Don’t we all make mistakes every now and than, just that we are not in public eyes like him. I still go to youtube or his webpage to view.

My next target is to sew table runner and knit, hopefully by the time I finished the next assignment will be around the corner.

A Job That Travel and Working From Home

Since joining this company, when I don't have any assignment, assignment is going to client's place to work on an IT job, I am based at home. While based at home, need to help out on helpdesk problems send from all over Asia Pacific countries that bought the software. Some would said it is great, don't have to hassle with others on the road every morning and evening when you work from home.

Right after a long assignment, it is great to be based at home. If the waiting time for the next assignment is not a long wait. To me a long wait would be anything more than 3 weeks. If the waiting time more than 3 weeks but enough helpdesk enquires it is still fine with me. While waiting there is nothing, with a laptop that does not have wireless given to me, it is a hassle going out. If my laptop have wireless, then I can go into any place that provide free wireless, I can download my email and work on it.

How much of application manual can you read? I can read all the application manual but it is just reading. After sometime it become boring as the push to read is not there, the aim to read the manual is also not there. So you plan going out with friends for lunch, but they are working and most of the time they will be telling you their working story. You listened but it will also get......... But during this time I get to spend lots of time with my sister which is also great. We would go shopping and lunch together but still not enough to occupy the time there. You go for class, but class have to be short as you don't know when you get called to go on the move. There is always the worries that you might not finished the course and waste the money.

I went for my mandarin class, as I am a banana. The course takes about a year to finish, it has 4 parts in it. I took 2 parts at the same time, finished the course within 4 months. When I finished I was glad I had finished but during the course the worry getting called for oversea assignment, then it would upset my class. Now that I have finished level 1 was thinking of going for level 2, the same thought will probe up. Have decided to do it on my own at home. People that are not in this situation will think it is so great when it bites you than you will know how boring it can be. You wake up, open the laptop nothing there, you do your own stuff and still....... AHHHHHH it is BORING, I am not going into retirement AHHHHHH! 闷 死 我 啊！

Yesterday a friend came back from the state. Took a day leave went out with her. It was great, it had been quite sometime I went shopping with a friend. I guess it was quite sometime I have seen her, normally would just send short email, talking face to face and catching up is anytime much much better than emailing.

This working from home, has its good and bad, the good part is you get to spend lots of time with family. But sometime would like to see others besides family members. The bad part of it, you are like cut out from others, the only link is thru the internet.

When I first took up this job I was very excited as I am travelling, but after sometime I noticed you get one thing but not the other thing. Some hobbies that you like you can't take it with you, courses that interest you also you can't register. When you travel you either make new friends or learn to be on your own. After sometimes you get feedup with the food on the flight and carrying your luggage in and out. I noticed new friend's friendship does not last too. I look around me I noticed the friends that I had, are all those old friends. The only good thing comes out of it, is that my relationship with my family member becomes better, I learned to appreciates than more.

I sometime tell myself I am going to look for a job that does not travel, but why am I still at this job. As I told my family member I will be responsible for whatever unhappiness, it is a path that I choose. I am no longer a child, I guess this a way for me to grow up. As this job takes me away from the comfort of home which I am so use to and took for granted too.

The Search for my Gurudev

After reading the Bhagavad Gita as it is, I understand why my heart was always searching. I was searching for my Gurudev.

Before this I thought my heart was searching for someone to be my the other half. But it never felt I have found it. Now looking back I was happy I did not settle down with anyone of them. If I have I would not be happy as it is not what I was searching for.

After many years a friend asked do you want to met my Gurudev, we are going to welcome him at the airport. I just replied why not what is there to loose. I went, saw their Gurudev, but my heart was just neutral. Later that day, they asked are you interested in taking him up as my Gurudev. I asked I am not qualified to be anyone disciple, if he is okay, I am okay. This great soul, their Gurudev said yes he will take me as his disciple. We prepared ourself for the great day, the great day was tomorrow at 6am.

The next day at 6am the process went smoothly, this where I have the name Lilavathy. Lilavathy is my spiritual name given to me by my Gurudev. Of course there are principles that I have to follow, 1) no meat eating, 2) no intoxication, 3) no illicit sex, 4) no gambling and 5) had to chant the Maha Mantra 64X16time a day. I was very supprised how my new found Gurudev know that I was a naughty person. He told me not to be naughty, I will know, I will hit you on the head. I will give you your next initiation when I see you next year. The second initiation is where the final bond to my Gurudev.

The first initiation, did not stop that search in my heart but the second initiation in Hong Kong makes the different. After the second initiation, my heart stop searching, then I know I have found my Gurudev. My gurudev is the great Sri Srimad Bhaktivedanta Narayana Maharaja.

I read more on my Gurudev, from his books, his lectures. I learned to know and love my Gurudev slowly. The important thing for me was the search in my heart had stop. I know the way I met my Gurudev, is like weird, how can I take someone you don't know.

After the second initiation, slowly with the mantra given, my heart started to mellow down. I find peace within me. Things that was important was slowly not important.

Now in my life there are two tracks, one is the material track and another the spiritual track. Now the material track is moving faster than the spiritual track. I hope one day the spiritual track will move faster than the material track and slowly slowly the material track will only move at first gear.

The Question: The Purpose Of A Human Birth.

When I started to ask this qestion? I remember when I was 6 years old, I saw neighbour's children courting girl, then dating and married. I saw lots of adult after married have children, grow old and die. I asked myself am I going to be like that, the question, what is the purpose of me being here. I kept this question to myself, knowing that my parents cannot give me a good answer and might asked me to stop asking stupid question.

After a few years I saw a documentary on animal courting by National Geographic, I saw human also does that, human also court and mate. What is the different between a human and an animal. This extra thing between a human and animal what is it used for. Is it used to cultivate more bodily enjoyment or........

This question why am I here, what is the purpose of me being born as a human being was always at the back of my mind. Around 16 years old I started this habit of reading books, I was crazied over European Historic Books. I got my books from school library and the national library.

One day I saw a book in my brother's room, I was so exited as the book's cover has two man in armour riding a chariot pulled by four white horses. I took the book, thinking it is going to be a good book, when I opened the book to my disappointment it was not in english but some funny writing. I looked at the cover, it said "Bhagavad Gita". I asked myself what it mean and put the book back on my brother's study table. I have forgotten about this book.

In my late twenties because of problems faced everyday, I turned myself to God, I went to church, temple but could not find it could helped. One day my brother introduced me to deity Govinda. When I first hear the name Govinda my heart tells me it is it. In my heart I wanted to know more on this deity. Later I meet a colleague that introduced me to Krsna Consciousness. Here I learned that Govinda is Krsna and Krsna is Govinda. I started reading all the books I can get my hands on but not Bhagavad Gita. Friend told me to get the book.

One day, I was at Brickfields on Wesak Day, I saw this man selling books. I walked up to him and asked do you have a book, title Bhagavad Gita. His replied was yes I have a book called Bhagavad Gita as it is and it was the last book he has. I did not look at the book but just bought the book.

At home, I looked at the book, looking at the cover, the feeling like I have seen this book before. After a few days then I remember it was that book that I wanted to read many years ago. It was not a story book but a spiritual book. I quickly opened the book to see whether it was in english. Yes, it is translated. Because of work I do not have time to read, one day I finally started reading it. I found my answer to my question, why I take birth as a human being. I am to find my way back to Godhead, back to our creater, back to our father.

This also started another search in my heart, who is my spiritual guru that will able to take me back.

Why I start to BLOG?

I used to read others' blog. I find some of the blog very good. I asked myself why do people blog, the answer I had was to share their view and feelings or to keep it as a diary. Maybe it is a good way to spend time too.

After the Malaysia GE12(12th general election), I read everything that's is in Malaysia Today, Tony Pua, Jeff Ooi and DAP blog. Especially Malaysia Today, I found that there are many others that share the same sentiment as me. Before that I have read Malaysia Today a few times, but I always feel that it was trying to paint a bad picture of the government. As I read only the main stream paper. When the GE12 result was announced, I asked myself, "What is going on?" I started reading all the above blog. I really respect the guts RPK has, I can really kou tou to him.

Why I decided to blog? I asked why am I so afraid to let others know what I think, why locked it in my head and heart. I noticed blogging is also a good way of expressing ourself, letting out what is locked in my heart, it improved my command of english too.

I hope those that stumble into my blog will not feel offended by some of my views and feelings. I always believed everyone has the right to their own view and feeling. Each of us are unique in our own way but we must also repect others.

I find it is a good way to spend my time while waiting for assignment, at least it keep me occupy